Sunday, September 14, 2008

Intro and stuff.

I created this so I could have a place to speak openly about my questions about my sexuality and my gender identity. I identify as bisexual. My gender is generally female, but I never considered being androgynous as a gender until today. Here's my problem. I know the lesbian community isn't strictly butch/femme anymore, but I still feel like I need to be one or the other. See, inside I am fairly feminine. Somewhat. Moreso than masculine. But I rarely enjoy dressing in a feminine way. I like being androgynous. Lately I've been tossing around the idea of binding. Nothing major, just probably looking into the Frog Bra. I'm not feeling extremely strongly about anything, really. I feel like I should. But I'm just curious. I do know that I don't gravitate towards my girly shirts and I no longer show any cleavage. If I wear a bra at all, I wear a sports bra so as to not draw any attention to my chest. I buy almost all men's clothes now.

So am I supposed to feel all die-hard about this? I'm just exploring, I don't feel a strong pull towards one thing or another. I know that I don't want to transition to being male (though there's nothing wrong with that). I like my short hair. A lot. I'm considering going even shorter. I'm just so confused. I wish I knew what I was doing. I wish I knew more people who could help me. Maybe I'll be able to locate some in the blogging world.


Sublimefemme said...

Hi Em, Just wanted to say hello and let you know that I left you a comment over at The Femme Show.

I admire you for your courage and honesty in exploring these issues.

Leo MacCool said...

hi there, thanks for the comment on my blog. i think everyone is a complicated mixture of elements. i've wasted my share of time worrying about being too masculine or too feminine. but i've come to the conclusion that i'm just me, and basically our options are to embrace ourselves and live it fully, or try to squelch it and cause a lot of futile suffering. in my opinion, labels like butch, femme, androdyke, etc., are useful as descriptions, but they're not and shouldn't be mandates.

good luck, i'm looking forward to reading your future reflections.

Anonymous said...

I can empathise here. This is exactly how I felt right up until recently: disliking women's fashion, uncomfortable and unsure what the hell I was doing. I'd now consider myself fairly adrogynous, though I've been described as a soft butch. Either way, they're all just arbitrary categories. People like it when they can just stick you in one ;) Go with what works for you, step at a time.